Been struggling for things to write for a while, I even wrote out a couple of posts just to delete them, as they were utter rubbish. But now I’m hoping to call upon the power of my misery that the beginnings of this blog were based upon.
Well so far this summer has been rather dull with not much to speak off occurring, just been waiting for the 20th of August; this date is the day that the A level results are released. To say I’m anxious about them would be an understatement. I‘m hoping for an A in Computing and a B in Environmental Science to get into my desired university, University of East Anglia, or UEA for short. A year ago to get an A and a B seemed impossible but after a third year stranded at Strode’s College without many friends around for company I have really pulled my finger out and it might just be obtainable, MIGHT.
I really want to get in to UEA, although I suppose that isn’t much of a shock as everyone wants to get into there first choice university, but from the first time I visited UEA I fell in love with it and realized this was where I wanted to study. My desire to get into UEA is only strengthened by the voice in my head telling me I have made a terrible mistake in picking my second choice university, Staffordshire. I picked it for the fact that it was the only course to offer me a lower offer to get in but the closer it gets till the start of the term the more I find out about it that turns me off going there.
UEA on the other hand just grows in appeal to me with its interesting and strangely beautiful campus, its amazing social & music scene and its perfect course, Computer Science with Imaging and Multi-media, which is computer science mixed with aspects of video editing.
So it’s with this longing to get in to UEA so badly that the fear of not getting in has come along, and I know there is no point in worrying about it atm as there is nothing I can do but the 20th of August is taking so long to get here I can’t help but have it bother me.
I’ve been longing to go to university for so long now in no small part for the fact that it would allow me to move out and away from my mother. For years she treated me like shit putting the few boyfriends she’s managed to get before me, shutting me in my room when they came over up until I was 15, last time she actually had a boyfriend, made me lie to my granddad shortly before his death which I still feel guilt for, bullied my Nan before she went senile and when ever I defended my Nan I just ended up getting the wrath of my Mum. As my now only living family member you think we would have some special bond but alas. She seems to think she’s entitled to talk to me as rudely and condescending as she likes but if I even raise my voice talking to her I’m made to feel like an awful son.
This is all coming off the back of an argument with her that started in the most stupid way: I’m in my room with the radio on. She says something through the door to me, which later turned out to be “Have you closed the window downstairs yet?”. I couldn’t hear her so I turned off the radio and opened the door where this exchange takes place:
Mum: (in my face) “I didn’t say come to the door, just answer the question.”
Me: “I didn’t hear the question.”
Mum: “Did. You. Close. The. Window? I didn’t say you needed to come to the door.”
Me: (Admittedly in an annoyed tone) “Yes and I couldn’t hear you.”
Then from this some how it descends into an argument where she tells me I don’t spend enough time with her, despite the fact I came back from a stay in Birmingham with her just a few hours ago. Then as she often does in arguments goes on to tell me why I’m a bad son and how her friends children are so much better than me, at least she hasn’t gone on about how my friends are better children to their parents than I in a while.
So after this bizarre and pointless argument and much slamming of doors by her I decided to vent my rage through my blog like the good ol’ days. But I have been sitting here thinking that although I’m going to love uni so much for allowing me to move out to live my life, I’m still going to have to end up back here betweens terms when she will probably be as bad as ever, if not worse due to me being a “bad son” at university and not spending time with her. </rant>
