http://www.1019foxfm.net/ – A countdown appears here counting down to 07/08/08 18:16:00GMT. This is not confirmed to be part of Bungie and there is evidence pointing towards that it could be unrelated but it has been done in the same style as the ilovebees.com counter so is worth making mention of. I came across one thread saying that this is actually an ARG for NIN, I unfortunately I can’t find it anymore, but time I guess will tell on this one.

http://www.ilovebees.com/ – A countdown also appears counting down to a point in 2552. This is the year that a lot of the Halo story is set so nothing to do with the announcement probably.  I have no previous knowledge of ilovebees.com really, except for the fact that this was an ARG from long ago for Halo:CE, so this may have been like this for some time with the foxfm countdown being based upon it. If someone can tell me if this is a new occurrence or has been this way for a long time let me know please.

The Superintendent
The superintendent has been cropping up across the Bungie forums with many messages of warnings and advice. His most used phrase has definitely been “KEEP IT CLEAN” over time numbers appeared in place of letters when this phrase was posted no the forums. These following posts have all been sighted:

0EEP IT CLEAN
K7EP IT CLEAN
KE1P IT CLEAN
KEE4 IT CLEAN
KEEP 0T CLEAN
KEEP I8 CLEAN
KEEP IT 1LEAN
KEEP IT C0EAN
KEEP IT CL3AN
KEEP IT CLE0N

Place the numbers together in sequence and you get 0714 08 1030N. For people that have been following the drama on Bungie.net this will come as no revelation and was discovered several days ago. We all believed it was referring to the start of the E3 Microsoft Conference as it began at 10:30PDT on the 14 July 2008, it now would seem that this was not referring to the start of the Microsoft conference but the time that Bungie.net would experience some changes. I along with many others retreated to Bungie after being disappointed by the lack of announcements at E3 to find the Superintendent has taken over the Bungie front page http://www.bungie.net/defaultsi.aspx

The front page of Bungie is now adorned with “PLEASE REMAIN CALM” written in several languages, messages from the superintendent including “PLEASE REMAIN CALM”, “PROCEED WITH CAUTION”, “NO PUBLIC ACCESS”, “EXPECT DELAYS”, “PARDON OUR DUST”, “SERVICES WILL RESUME”, “OBEY POSTED LIMITS”, “EMERGENCY LIGHTS ACTIVE”,”FINAL NOTICE: BILL PAST DUE” and “KEEP IT CLEAN”. The most important aspect of this strange new front page though is the countdown timer located in the lower right. It is counting down 15:07GMT tomorrow, Wednesday 16^th of July. From people looking into the source for the front page when the countdown reaches 0 it will say “REBOOTING”
Although the Superintendent has posted upon many threads he has of yet only created the one http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=21897471&postRepeater1-p=1The Superintendent is not only present on Bungie.net, he can also now be found in the start menu of Halo3. Where previously was the standard banner advertising the new Cold Storage map is now a new “corrupted” banner is present in its place with an image that looks like a sad superintendent in the top right corner along with some numbers below it.

The numbers that appear in this image are 12:05:37:14 the relevance of these numbers is not yet known. Could they be a time stamp? If that is the case what is it signaling?
This thread on the Bungie forums I have just come across is a good source for all the compiled information on the superintendent. http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=23367743

Links have been made between both the Superintendents sayings and the foxfm countdown to the next project being called Phoenix and various links are circulating to “support” this. However the fact is, as mentioned in the Bungie Podcast 120407, all future projects of Bungie are nicknamed Phoenix including projects prior to Halo2 and even Halo Wars was code-named Phoenix in its early stages.

An individual called RampantGaurdian has been making some unusual posts on the Bungie forums, there is a good example here if you read on, he is claiming to be a monitor and is playing a very convincing job, he seems to have a brilliant knowledge of the Halo universe and is thinking up very rational responses, I doubt him being part of Bungie’s scheme though due to the fact they gave the Superintendent coloured text and this guy only has the standard text that every user can access.

Please post your own inputs and theories in the comments.

Due to the success of The True Story Of Christmas I decided a couple months back to do one for the pointless holiday know as Easter, or as I like to call it Zombie Jesus Day. (Thanks to Cyanide & Happiness.) Unless you are one of those moronic people that believe the Bible to be fact, the only purpose of Easter is to stuff your faces with chocolate eggs, not even half of the people that refer to themselves as Christians even give a shit about what this day is supposedly about. Oh well who gives a shit about that Biblical tosh anyway, we all know you’re here for my interpretation of it.

Well this Dawn Of The Deity story begins with Good Friday or as I lovingly call it – Jesus got P0wn3d Day!!1! I have never really understood why Church Fags* call it Good Friday, as I understand it, there wasn’t a particular lot of good going on for anyone. Unless you are Judas of course because then you are in teh moneyz. I like to think of this story much like a computer game. As my name for this day suggests, this is the day that Jesus dies. Jesus was betrayed by his close friend Judas, Jesus decided to not boot Judas from the Earth and forgive him instead, and upon Jesus death a big cross appeared above his head, much like in Halo 3. Now from what I have determined from films and pictures, Jesus must have been playing a capture the hill game against the Romans as most of the dying seems to happening on the hill, I think it is safe to say the Romans owned.

Our story picks up again 2 days later on Easter Sunday, A.K.A. Zombie Jesus Day. Now unfortunately 2,000 years ago technology wasn’t as advanced and there were fewer servers around. Because of this there was tremendous lag, this meant that it took a whole 2 days for Jesus to respawn. Jesus goes to re-group with his team mates. Now unfortunately my Biblical knowledge on what happens now in the Bible is non-existent due to the fact that I realised it was a load of bollocks when I was about 9. Maybe he went and tried to reclaim the hill, maybe he went to betray Judas and tea-bag him or maybe he just went to dick about in a Hog.

The next day comes and as it is the day after Easter Sunday some imaginative sought at the Church came up with the name Easter Monday. Being fair though even I had trouble naming this day so I think I will call it “End Game”. On this day the great host in the sky, or God as some know him, decided to end the game and Jesus was returned to the big matchmaking lobby in the sky.

Well I hope you have enjoyed another interpretation of a Biblical event by yours truly. I feel that I should credit Tom Rush for a conversation we had quite a while back on the matter and thanks to Cyanide & Happiness for the original idea.

*Church fags was the response I got from Josh when I asked for a collective term to describe Catholic fucktards and Christian morons. I mean it’s despicable how un politically correct that is. Josh you should be ashamed.